Acta Diurna

It’s almost 25 years since I first came to this world. Some things has changed, some doesn’t. I can’t remember all of my 24 years experience in this world, but I do realize some major events that happened to changed my life afterwards.
Some wise guy said, "There is no wrong decision, but only wrong actions". I realized that regrets will only put pain in my heart, my mind and my memory.
I just can live with some "decisions" that I made, and act wisely.
One thing that bother me so much lately is that I keep comparing myself with others. My old friends, relatives, family, etc. At my age now, most my friends have been working somewhere, get married, or at least do something different. Me, I still have to fight with college life.
Confused, stressed out, and even depressed. At some point, I really want to make BIG action that will suddenly changed my life. Something that I always keep in my mind only. I really want to make changes, in my life, in this world, and in perhaps to my future.
One good friend of mine once said, "You are actually a ‘genius’, you just too lazy".
It’s been almost five years since then, but that statement keep made me intrigued.
If i am a genius, why do I still in a place where all my friends have gone, leaving me behind, and perhaps waiting for me to catch up with them.
Ashamed, that is maybe the correct word to explain my situation now.
The clock seems ticking so slowly, that I can only see ‘others’ move forward to pursue their life, or even their dreams.

"One step at a time, young man," as some other wise guy would say.

For you.. who had come and fill my heart with great joy..

for you… who had put some meanings in my low-life..

for you… who had teach me how to treat a lady..

for you… that my life will be given purely..

for you… that finally purified my soul..

All I could say for now.. is..

Thank you..

May I always be your knight…

"a fine lady that able to break the thick wall of my frozen-heart, then fill it with warm love and affection"

Did you once had a friend.. or two.. that always listen to your thoughts and stand beside you?
A friend.. or two.. that you trusted most..?
A friend.. or two.. that you even have faith that he or she will always keep their promises.. and guard your secrets with honor…?
Did you ever feel you was very grateful to have them as your friend?
It was so nice and peaceful.. to know that someone out there is watching over you.. and understand you whatever happens?

Sad.. so sad…

When that all only in the past…
When your friend.. betrayed you! cheat on you! and even unable to keep their promises to you..

Sad.. so sad…

It’s all even sadder when he or she… didn’t even realize… what they have been doing!?!?
To crush your faith on them… to make you feel… pathetic…

It’s nothing that.. you can do… except live as nothing is going on….
As nothing you can do.. to bring he or she back… to the place where they was… at your side…

Trustworthy… seems beyond reality… utopia… only dreams…

Hopefully… someday…
He or she.. will realize… that they didn’t change though… but made mistakes…

Mistakes.. that destroyed the relationship between human being…

GOD forgive us… please…

   
One upon a time, there was this lamb, a very humble lamb indeed. He was suddenly in love with a beautiful female lamb, the female lamb that lives not far from his community in the deep forest. That lamb he called Princess.
There was a problem in his life since he was too shy even just to appear in herself. Actually he was affraid whether he isn’t good enough for her.

One day this lamb has an idea. He was starting to wear a fox-skin. Since he knows that everytimes, lots of hungry-looking foxes came and confront with the Princess. Since that day, this fox-skinned lamb had been protecting her from any danger arround her.

Days, weeks, months passed by. And the two of them has become friends already. Until someday he has a courage to bring her to community. A community that was full of lambs. His friends, his relatives and everything that is familiar to him. The female lamb happy since her saviour is actually a lamb also. Or this is what the fox-skinned lamb was thinking. That day is the day they become couples.

Suddenly, when this lamb came back from his daily walks he found his community place a ruin. Flesh scattered everywhere, blood in the grass, trees and rocks. But nobody was there! Not even his most beloved princess. His face red in anger and start running to look for her princess.

On his way he sees many furs, not a lamb one but fox’s! At the end of the road he meet with this fox. A female one. He begin to confront with her but his feet stop in a sudden. He is actually confused with himself. He is not affraid with any foxes, but why does his feet stop from chasing a female fox?

That female fox looks familiar to him, her scent, her gestures and her looks was look alike his princess! But the skin! She was a fox! Perhaps this is what stopping him from chasing her instead!?

He turn around and ignores her. With tears dropping from his eyes. He actually understand everything. That he was not born to be a lamb anyway. He has already made all his friends in danger, and most of all, he can’t even protect the one he loves.. from being what she really is..

From that day on on.. this lamb will always wear a fox-skinned. And promises to himself will not show his true skin, unless someday.. GOD give him back his princess..

The End.

Cinta…
Cinta….
Cinta…..

Anugerah Tuhan yang paling terindah dan paling mematikan
untuk umat manusia..

You can never be assure for what you will choose as a path of your life. Because everything is changing, from hours, minutes, seconds, nothing is as the same as now, later or before.

We must be prepared, as a knight, to see what ever will come to our ways. Choose wisely your alliance and know well your enemy.

We as a knight are forced to be the frontmen of the nation, or family. Being a knight isn’t a simple task to do. A warrior that is not always put sword in the right hand, and shield in the left hand. Everybody can become a knight, but not everyone will become one.

So when you think that you are capable enough to become a Knight, think about it again, and again, and again…

Move forward and never look back. Eliminate all enemies as well as your biggest enemy that is yourself. Then you will become a tuthfully KNIGHT!

When people searching in their life, sometimes they think about what they all really wanted to be(come).

Some of them just copied some body’s else type of character.
And some of them tried to create their own ‘image‘ of something.

I presume there are three types of ‘these’ people.

One kind wanted to create something in purpose making life easier.
Other one tried to control as much people as they could.
And the last one were willing to dedicated their lives to everybody else.

Actually, every works or jobs that you’ve done in life are just the same as those three types.
When you are a teacher, you can make something useful for the sake of everybody and also can control humans by giving them some thoughts that was use for propaganda.
Or if you are just an ordinary people, you just serve everyone by giving them what they wanted to know that later will be useful in their life.

For me, whose life is nothing than a services to my Lord. I will serve or more precisely try to serve humanity itself.

Be strong for you who has already chose your life path as a Knight, it’s not easy.

Here will not tell you how to become a Knight, and will not teach you one too.
But from what I have learned, there  will be many ways to become a Knight.  And  all of them  are  the  same. Through sacrifices!